Birthmom Stories - You are not alone!
There are so many women who have placed for adoption and are proud of their choice and proud of their children. Read some of the stories and poems from birthparents and adoptive parents who try to express their feelings about adoption and how it has impacted their lives.
Melissa's Story - God's Gift of Isaac
The following story may bring some tears of sadness or it may bring some tears of happiness. What I really hope that it does is shed some light of joy on a seemingly dark and frightening subject.
Becoming pregnant was not in my list of things to do, but life took a turn of surprise for me when I found out I was pregnant. I reacted to the little home pregnancy test much like many other women do upon the initial surprise. I stood outside the bathroom totally dumbfounded. I cried. I sobbed. I laughed. I prayed. I was totally and utterly confused. I thought of everything that could possibly make a pregnancy test come out positive without me actually being pregnant. Abortion came to my mind, but I quickly dismissed that as I believe in life. The word adoption went through my head and uncomfortably remained there for awhile. I turned to the first person I could think of for comfort and support. I called my youth pastor's wife. By the time I went to bed that night, I tried not to think about being pregnant. It was much too scary for me.
I went to work as usual. I went to doctor appointments and ultrasounds. I prayed a lot and I sought counsel from my Pastor, my Pastor's wife, my best friends, and my Heavenly Father. I felt like God was really poking and prodding at my heart about adoption. I knew that I wanted to do the absolute best I could for my baby. I called an adoption agency and received some information but didn't follow through. I began to confuse what God was telling me with my own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. I thought that maybe God was telling me that I was supposed to parent my baby. So, as soon as I found out that I was having a baby boy, I began to buy clothes, bottles, books, baby blankets, and toys. A friend gave me a diaper bag and my grandmother sent me a car seat. I thought I was ready for everything that came along with raising a baby.
Then, God began to gently show me that I was not ready to raise a baby. He showed me first how rocky my finances were. Then he showed me some thing I really did not want to see. I was not ready to raise a baby emotionally nor was I quite mature enough. I love children, but they are easy when you can just return them to their parents. Also, I realized that it was going to be virtually impossible for me to be a mommy, daddy, good guy and bad guy all in one package. I knew that my baby boy deserved to have a father from the beginning; a daddy that he could bond with and go fishing with, a daddy that would buy him baseball cards and teach him to ride a bike. Yes, I could have done all that, but my job as a mommy would be to comfort him when he fell down, to feed him, to love him, and to do what mommy's do best. However, when I told my baby's birth dad that I was pregnant, he wanted absolutely nothing to do with the baby or me. The birth dad wanted me to have an abortion. I said, "No way!" When he told me that he was not ready to be a dad, I told him that I wasn't ready to be a mom but that we had made an adult decision to have sex and this was the result. He ended up moving to another part of the country, leaving me with some very difficult decisions to make. I felt so alone.
I began to seek my pastor's wife's advice. I wanted her to tell me what to do so I would not have to decide on my own. She said that I needed to make my own decision. She told me about Antioch Adoptions. I met with a counselor from Antioch and looked at profiles of adoptive families. I prayed over each couple asking God for wisdom. One couple seemed to stand out to me.
I ended up meeting two different couples and then choosing the one that stood out to me from the profiles. I met with this couple a few times, and I also met some of their extended family before the birth of my baby. I continued to pray for guidance and wisdom and sought more counsel from my pastor and his wife. I finally made the decision to place my baby boy for adoption when I was 9 months pregnant.
My son was born in September. He was 8 pounds 4 ounces and 21½ inches long. He was so beautiful! I had decided before I went to the hospital that I wanted his adoptive mom and dad to hold him before he was a day old. Letting them hold him was just about the hardest thing I have ever done. I cried a lot, but I also had a sense of peace. God was starting to comfort me and tell me that everything was going to be all right. My pastor's wife stayed with me at the hospital, which was a wonderful support. The time I spent with my baby in the hospital was very special; a memory I will never forget. I will never forget the adoptive mom and dad's faces the first time they held Isaac. I knew that placing Isaac for adoption with this couple was God's will for my baby as well as his will for my own life due to my circumstances.
My 48 hours with Isaac came to a close rather quickly, much to my dismay. I kept telling Isaac, "I will see you later." I carried him out of the hospital and began to cry uncontrollably. I sobbed while the adoptive parents put him in their car. I tried to stifle my tears long enough to check him in his car seat and kiss him.
I saw Isaac the following Sunday morning at my church for his dedication ceremony. I had to say, "I will see you later" again, but it was not as hard this time. I have seen him a few times since. He is getting bigger and cuter as each day goes by. It is still emotionally hard a times, but God is healing the pain in my heart. I find comfort in knowing that Isaac's adoptive parents love him very much and I know that they will care for him the best they can. I also take comfort in the fact that I did what God told me to do. I did His will for my life and my baby's life.
It is hard sometimes for me to think about what Isaac will say when he is older. Will he be mad at me? Will he hate me? Will he try to understand? Will he want to meet his birth dad? I also worry about what every parent worries about. What if he gets hurt? What if he gets sick? Can I trust the adoptive parents? Will I see him again? Will he love me later in life? Could I have done a better job? When I think that I could have raised Isaac, I remind myself that I made the best decision possible for Isaac at that time. I did not know what the future was going to bring.
From the day I found out I was pregnant, I dedicated Isaac to God. I have said that Isaac was God's baby and he will always by God's baby. I will keep on praying for him, knowing that he is doing just fine with his adoptive parents (who I had the privilege of blessing with my child). I find comfort in knowing that God will someday use my situation to help someone else. God has assured me that I am not forgotten nor is my testimony of His incredible love in my life. God blessed me and the adoptive parents with the most incredible gift of a baby boy named Isaac.
- Melissa, a birth mother
Tabitha's Story - Joy, My Light
On September 5, 2002, my life suddenly changed dramatically. I found out that I was almost 2 months pregnant. My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost five years and did not plan on having kids until we were married. Telling my boyfriend, Kevin, was probably the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. Kevin was upset at first, but he was able to deal with it and we began looking at our options. Thus began a journey that would change our lives forever.
Abortion was out of the question. Kevin and I had grown up knowing that abortion was killing a life and even though it did selfishly cross our minds, we knew that we could never do it. We decided to look at adoption. I made a call to an adoption agency after looking through the yellow pages and on the Internet for agencies that facilitated open adoptions. I met with a counselor and remember feeling uneasy with our conversation. I asked a couple of times if it cost the adoptive parents certain amounts of money to adopt and my questions were ignored. I knew that having certain fees and making the adoptive parents pay certain amounts of money was considered selling babies, so I knew that I had to be careful with the agency that I chose to make sure it was not taking part in this. After that appointment, Kevin's mom told us about Antioch Adoptions so we decided to meet with one of their counselors. That was when the miracle of having people that love and care for you through an adoption process happened. Our counselor explained that Antioch Adoptions is a ministry and does not charge adoptive parents fees to adopt.
After a couple of weeks of pondering and praying, we decided that the best thing for us to do for our baby would be to place her for adoption. Even though this would be the hardest decision we would ever have to make, we knew it was the right one. In December 2002, we met with the future parents of our baby girl. We knew they were the right people as soon as we met them. We knew by the plans they already had set for her that they would love her. After meeting the adoptive parents, I still wavered some in my decision. Kevin and I spent a few days away together and during that time, I began to see that placing our daughter for adoption was right. We loved our daughter and to have to think of giving her to other parents was heartbreaking. But since Kevin and I both wanted to be married when we raised a child and we were not planning on getting married, we wanted our daughter to have two parents who were dedicated to raising her and were not preoccupied with their own lives as we were with ours.
I went into labor on April 22, 2003 and gave birth to our little girl, Joy Marie. She was perfect in every way. She smiled and looked at us with bright blue eyes and we could not have been any happier. She was our little angel. Kevin and I had three days with her before we gave her to the adoptive parents. There were tears of joy and sadness but in the end, we both knew that this was the very best thing for Joy. The adoptive parents let us call and ask about her anytime we want to. They are truly the most gracious people we could have ever asked God for. He provided parents that would love our daughter and love us. We have built a bond with these two people that will never be broken, a bond that is based on love and understanding.
During the year after Joy was born, I was able to move on with my life. Not move on from loving Joy, but move on from being her mother. Kevin and I rekindled our flame and realized how much we loved each other. With God's amazing grace, we became engaged to be married. My life could not be filled with more love and joy. I thank God everyday for allowing me to experience such an amazing thing as an open adoption. Joy is the light that God showed me and now I understand how gracious and loving our Savior really is.
Tabitha, a Birthmother
Renee's Story - A Precious Child
I know well the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)
These were the words I clung to as my husband Steve and I embarked on our adoption journey. As desperately as we both wanted to have children it seemed at times like an impossible dream. I knew I was depending upon another woman to have the courage and selflessness to choose adoption for her baby. This was the only way I would become a parent.
Steve and I began praying regularly for whoever this woman might be. I imagined that she, like me, may be feeling frightened, confused and uncertain about the future. I knew she must also be going through a challenging and difficult time in her life. We prayed that God would bring her comfort and grant her the courage and wisdom she would need to make adoption plans for her baby. I prayed that the verse from Jeremiah would give her the hope that it was giving me.
One day we finally got the call that a birthmother had seen our profile and had chosen us to be the parents of her child. After meeting this special woman it was amazing to see how God had answered our specific prayers. Lisa* is one of the most courageous and loving souls I have met. She wanted to give her baby the best life possible and took great care in choosing who the parents would be.
Since meeting her initially we have grown closer not only as friends but as family. Together we admire God's great and miraculous work in creating our daughter Jayna. We see Lisa every 3 months and keep in touch through emails and letters. It is always a delight to see one another and celebrate the wonderful life that brought us together.
Our daughter is a precious blessing to us and our entire family is so grateful and honored to have her in our lives. It is now difficult to imagine becoming a family any other way. We are thankful that we were able to have our prayers answered through the gift of adoption. We will always be so proud of Lisa and the courage she had to trust another family to love her baby as much as she did. She holds a very special place in our hearts and remains in our constant prayers.
We are thankful to God for answering our prayers to become parents and are honored that He chose such a special woman to bless us with a child.
- Renee, adoptive parent
A Mother's Heart - A Starting Place
Where could I possibly start? What will I say if the day comes? When you look up at me, With your beautiful dark eyes, And ask "Why?" What can I say? I know that moment will be bittersweet, If it even ever comes at all. On one side I will be bursting with happiness, Just for the simple fact, That I can look at your face again. That I can smell your hair again. And that I can hear your voice again. For now those things are what I miss most. But on the other side will be sorrow. Thinking about all the first things I have missed, First word, First steps, First solid food. Even the first time you skin your knee. I wish with everything inside me, That I could be there for every event in your life. But I can't. Luckily you have a loving Mama and Papa. That I know will surround you with a blanket of love, Be there to comfort you when you do scrape that knee, And who will not take your firsts for granted. But most of all, They will raise you up knowing and loving Jesus. For that is the most important thing, That I could have ever given to you. And even though I can't put my feelings for you into words, If the day ever does come, When you look at me and ask "why?" I will have to say, it is because I love you. Possibly more then anyone has ever loved a child. Sometimes a mother has to sacrifice things, So that her child can have the highest quality of life. Hopefully you will understand at least that, And maybe we can start from there.